


Just Killing Time

by FH14



Category: A Nightmare on Elm Street (Movies 1984-1994)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Minor Jesse Walsh/Lisa Webber, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 14:46:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21411910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FH14/pseuds/FH14
Summary: Ron Grady is dead, and Jesse decides he can't let himself put anyone else he cares about at risk.
Relationships: Ron Grady/Jesse Walsh
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Just Killing Time

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was originally an abandoned fill for my [Fictober 2019 challenge](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1509083), but I decided to finish it since it was already mostly done. This is not a story with a happy ending.

He had waited until it was too late.

Looking back on it now, covered in his friend's blood… he never should have let it get this far. He should have put and end to all of this when Coach Schneider was murdered.

And now Ron Grady was dead by his hand. Sure, Freddy may have been in the driver's seat, but he was the one who went to Grady's house and begged him for his help. Not that the poor guy could do anything. He had no way of knowing the kind of monster Fred Krueger was. Just how vital waking Jesse up was to his own safety. Well, clearly not even that.

But Grady… being around him felt safe. Ever since he'd come to this town, Ron was someone he could turn to. He had Lisa too, but he always felt like he had to shield her from the worst of this. That she wouldn't come out the other side alive if she truly stepped into his world.

Maybe that's the reason Lisa's alive and Grady isn't. The voice in his head right now wasn't Krueger, but it didn't disdain him any less. If anything, his own mind was much crueler. Freddy saw him as useful. In this moment, he saw himself for what he was: pathetic and useless.

How did he think this was gonna turn out? That Grady would be his knight in shining armor and kill the monster lurking in the shadows? More likely Grady would've spit in his face at the very notion and told him to get lost.

…No. No, why did he think that? Even after their fight today, Grady still let him stay, still agreed to help him. He seemed annoyed, sure, but he was always kind of antagonistic. He would drag you to the ground in a brawl one moment, and then crack jokes to make you laugh when you were being bandaged up. It was why…

Hell, what would even be the point in admitting it now? All that time together, all those stolen glances when he had been certain Grady wasn't looking, only to find himself staring back into those bright hazel eyes…

"He hangs out in queer S&M joints downtown," Grady had said about Schneider. He'd been covered in dirt and sweat at the time, part of a punishment they had both earned for brawling on the baseball field, but he still had that cocky grin on his face and that sparkle in his eye. "Likes pretty boys like you."

"Get outta here." Jesse said, but Grady didn't push it further. Only let it hang in the air, unspoken, except for that quick glance.

There was something in the way he looked then, like he was trying to gage Jesse's reaction. Thinking about it now, he realized how quickly he'd turned to making crude jokes about his relationship with Lisa.

"You got a problem with me, Grady?" Jesse snapped, after brushing off a theory for how Lisa was compensating him for rides to school.

"Naw," he said, shrugging, "Just killing time."

But there was something different in his demeanor then. It was like the conversation had… dispirited him in some way. Like he was fishing for some kind of reaction that he hadn't got.

Christ, he was reading too much into this. There was no way Grady had liked him that way. Not the way Jesse might. The way he could have.

No, he did. Jesse couldn't admit it before, and maybe that's why everything went so fucking wrong. He liked Grady as more as a friend and now he was dead because of him.

He was passing by the party now. He could see Lisa, looking despondent by the pool. He's hurt her tonight too, but he ran away from her when Freddy started to surface. That's why she was still alive.

He couldn't save Grady, but there was still a way he could save Lisa from the same fate.

He wasn't sure where Grady had gotten the knife. Maybe he'd picked it up one day at a gas station. Maybe his dad had given it to him when he was a kid. Either way, he clearly hadn't used it for much. Not that it would've particularly mattered either way, but a sharper blade would be more efficient, and even now, he didn't want to cause himself any more pain either.

He just wanted it to end.

He allowed himself one final glance at the party. Everyone there was completely engrossed in the haze of music and booze. Well, almost everyone. Lisa was standing up by the pool now, and for a moment Jesse thought she'd spotted him. But no, it was Kerry that had grabbed her attention, flailing about in the pool with some guy.

He felt another pang of guilt. Not as bad as before, but it hurt all the same. Maybe in another life he could've been something for Lisa. But he knew now, without a doubt, that he just wasn't built that way. And after tonight, he couldn't be a friend to her either. Not after he'd killed her friend, the boy that he loved.

Damn it, he only knew him a week. It couldn't have been love.

He faded into the shadows, watching the revelry of his classmates for a moment more before turning away. It was only a matter of time before Grady's parents discovered what he'd done. He couldn't wait any longer.

He remembered reading somewhere how to make the cuts properly, so he'd bleed out faster and not just pass out with scars on his wrists. He needed to be sure. It didn't hurt as much as he thought it would. Or maybe it did, he couldn't tell anymore. It was like the numbness in his mind had spread to his body, and what was happening right now was nothing more than a bad dream.

But this wasn't a dream. After everything that had happened, he at least knew the difference.

He leaned back against the tree, letting the rough surface of the bark dig into his back as he let his weight shift to the ground below him. He hoped Lisa wouldn't be the one who'd find him. No, it would probably be one of the party guests. Someone he didn't even know burdened with the consequences of his sins.

What was another layer of guilt at this point?

He felt his breathing slow, as all those thoughts pounding inside his head began to dissipate. He was doing the right thing. He was saving Lisa, saving everyone... right?

The night air was cool and crisp, and the boy had chosen a good place. The bushes and shadows obscured whatever light illuminated the nearby backyard, leaving the body to lie in darkness.

And to rise in darkness.

The figure pressed it's hands into the shadows, looking around for something lost, and pulled out the silhouette of a fedora. He raised it to his head, a dramatic flair to the motion, before he stopped, and turned to face those bright lights, those sounds, those young lives that hadn't yet been extinguished.

"Finally," Freddy laughed, unsheathing his glove, and taking his first step forward.

**Author's Note:**

> If you or someone you know feels hopeless or like they have no reason to live, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) [US National Suicide Prevention Hotline] for help and support. Specific hotlines are also available for members of the LGBT community, such as the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386.


End file.
